by Nanda Van Gestel

 

nanda

My oldest son, Rutger, who is ten years old now, was born premature and is what people call a special needs child. I don’t like to label anyone so I prefer to call him a special child. I soon found out that everything in our society is so focussed on making children, in general, and especially children like my son, fit into the system. My heart told me that if I wanted to make him happy and help him reach his highest potential, that wasn’t the way to do it. Instead I had to accept him as he was and love him unconditionally. I focussed on his strenghts instead of his weaknesses, and found not only that he is exceptionally loving and sensitive, but that he is also highly intelligent. To enable him to learn, the only thing we had to do was to allow and encourage him to follow his own interests. Rutger thrived and kept amazing us, but most important of all; he was a very happy child. When he entered school at age five, all of this changed. In just a few months our son turned into a very scared and unhappy child. In school he couldn’t follow his own interests, and because he wasn’t interested in what was going on in the classroom, most of the time he escaped into his own inner world. The only way the teachers knew how to respond to this was by putting more and more pressure on him (and on me). I spent many hours talking to them but that didn’t help at all. It became very clear to me that they expected children to submit to the school system and compromise themselves, even if that would break their spirit. I wished with all my heart that I could take care of Rutgers education myself, but since school was mandatory in the Netherlands, I didn’t know how. Seeing your child suffer brings out a very brave side in a mother though, and when it came to a point that Rutger was literally sick of school and woke up every night vomiting and screaming that he didn’t want to go to school, I found the courage to follow my heart and keep him home. The teachers who had been polite until then, showed me a very different side of themselves when I didn’t obey them anymore. In fact they became pretty rude and intimidating, but that only proved to me that keeping my son home was the right thing to do. We had no idea what would happen next, but the solution came as if by magic, because at that excact time my husband was offered a job in the USA. On the internet we found out that in the USA, it is possible to educate your own children. It even had a name; home-schooling. We didn’t need long to make up our minds. We sold everything and moved to the USA. It was such an eye opener to me that what is illegal in one country is completely accepted and considered a human right in another. In the Netherlands most people thought of me as irresponsible for wanting to educate my own child, but here in the USA most people admire parents that take responsibility for their childs education. The change we saw in Rutger after our move was almost unbelievable; like a very heavy burden was lifted of his shoulders; like he finally had permission again to be who he is. It’s been four years now since our move, and from homeschooling in which you teach your children, we grew towards un-schooling in which you trust that children learn whatever they need to, when they are ready for it. This is a very natural thing for the children, it’s mostly the parents that have to learn to un-school and trust. Un-schooling is more then an education; it’s a lifestyle. We have four children in total and it’s wonderful to see how all of them have different gifts and abilities; how they grow and learn together. The older children often times read to the younger ones or help them with programs on the computer. My husband and I have learned more in the last four years then ever before due to all the different subjects our children bring up and all the questions they ask. In true education everything is connected; our children will go from Classical Music, to Art, to Architecture, to Ancient Rome and from there to Phylosophy; Plato, Phytagoras and finally Math. This way things actually make sense and there is no end to what they learn, because one subject leads to another. Just like babies and toddlers are constantly exploring the world around them and never seem to grow tired of it, so will children continue to satisfy their natural curiosity and thirst for knowledge……… unless of course they have to go to school. As for Rutger, he is doing great; he loves to read and learn and keeps amazing us with all the things he knows. What’s even more important; he is very happy again and feels proud and confident. We love living here in the USA, it liberated us all in many different ways and we are forever grateful to our Special Child who was brave enough to stay true to himself.