Learning Freely Network

Children that are unschooled usually have high self esteem and develop strong personalities. When I want my children to do something or stop doing something I can’t just say that they ‘have to’ or ‘aren’t allowed to’ ; I’ll have to come up with some good arguments. A while ago my husband visited a colleague of his, who raises his children in the old-fashioned way. My husband was surprised to see that his colleagues children didn’t dream of joining the conversation or disagreeing with anything their parents, or any grown-up, said. These children were seen but not heard as was the custom in former generations. What a difference with a typical day at our house!

It can be quite noisy and busy at our place with four boys playing, learning and talking all the time! We really value our children’s opinions and ideas and we love talking with them about different subjects. We find it fascinating to hear what they think and feel. They all have very strong opinions and it’d be unthinkable for them that they would not be allowed to express those opinions at all times. When you raise your children with a lot of freedom and teach them to think for themselves you can expect quite a bit of opposition. Children who are raised in the old-fashioned way and who are taught not to question authority will submit to the school system much more easily. They’re already used to look for outward approval and ignore their true feelings. Children who are raised in freedom and with respect, on the other hand, will have high self esteem and strong personalities.
This can make it very hard for them to submit to the rules without questioning them; as is the norm in the conventional school system. The question which we should ask ourselves is what our society needs most: people who will do as they are asked, or independent creative thinkers. People who have been dominated from an early age will often start dominating others when they get the chance, while people who are happy about who they are and have self respect will usually also respect others. Yesterday, when we were out grocery shopping, Stijn (age 7) putted a quarter in a soda machine to get a can of 7-UP. To his distress a can of Coke popped out instead. I felt sorry for him and was just about to say: "That’s a shame" when Stijn said: "Wait a minute mom; this will only take a little while" and went back in to the store. I waited in the car with the other children and after a few minutes Stijn came out of the store with a can of 7-UP. "I explained the situation to the store manager" he said "and he apologized and gave me the right can. They really know what customer satisfaction means in this store!" Because of the way Stijn handled the situation I realised again what strong personalities our children have and that they never feel less than adults. If you raise your children with the greatest possible freedom and respect and if you want them to develop strong personalities; unschooling might be just the thing for you.