The Onion is well known for its satiric look at the news. Two weeks ago the site posted a piece on the opening day of school for first-grader, Connor Bolduc, 6.

It was a stark contrast to our post celebrating the start of a new school year. Whereas we attempted to offer an upbeat look by offering our eight videos to get the teacher juices flowing, the Onion sought to look at the opening of another year from the viewpoint of a youngster forced to give up free play for the drudgery of compulsory education.

Compulsory Eduation
The Onion portrayal begins:

“Connor Bolduc, 6, experienced the first inkling of a coming lifetime of existential dread Monday upon recognizing his cruel destiny to participate in compulsory education for the better part of the next two decades, sources reported.”

“‘I don’t want to go to school,’ Bolduc told his parents, the crushing reality of his situation having yet to fully dawn on his naïve consciousness. ‘I want to play outside with my friends.’

More of the story,
click image